


you don't have to hold on so tight

by Blazhy



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25523926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blazhy/pseuds/Blazhy
Summary: The night before he leaves Tokyo, Akira hears one final message from his rival.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 15
Kudos: 290





	you don't have to hold on so tight

**Author's Note:**

> please be gentle, it's my first time (writing fanfic, that is)  
> shoutout to wafumayo and relationshipcrimes for helping out, you guys are the real MVPs

In the dark, the moon jellyfish beckon.

“Wow,” breathes Akira. Beside him, Goro’s lips are parted in wonder. The vision is ethereal: the way the jellyfish gently pulsate, their tentacles drifting behind them; the way they catch the shifting multicoloured lights shining from underneath. Akira’s never seen anything so breathtaking.

As if in a trance, Akira and Goro approach the tank. Akira brings up his hand to press against the glass – and accidentally brushes Goro’s own, as he’d raised his hand to do the same. “Oh,” says Akira, an apology on the tip of his tongue, but Goro doesn’t flinch away. In fact, he’s looking back at Akira with something like a challenge in his gaze.

Well then. Akira’s never been one to back down from a challenge. He slowly slides his pinky around Goro’s, holding his gaze all the while, and though it’s hard to see in the low light of the aquarium, he could swear Goro is blushing. It’s ridiculously endearing. Squeezing Goro’s pinky tighter, Akira lowers both their hands so he can interlace their fingers entirely.

They stand like that for a while, Akira’s thumb rubbing slow circles against the back of Goro’s hand, while the jellyfish drift serenely past them.

Later, Akira drags Goro to the gift shop, despite the latter’s grumbling about useless souvenirs and gullible tourists that fall for them every time. Akira rolls his eyes in fond exasperation and browses the shelves while Goro crosses his arms and taps his foot impatiently behind Akira. “What would you even do with these trinkets?” he grouses. “They might be pretty, but you’ll tire of them in a day or two.”

Akira ignores him and picks up a jellyfish snow globe. He flicks a switch on the bottom, and multicoloured lights turn on while a fan whirs to life, sending glitter swirling through the snow globe. It looks just like the jellyfish tank that they held hands in front of. “This is nice,” Akira says. “I’m buying this.”

“Well, it’s your money,” Goro scoffs, but it’s lacking the bite that his previous comments about souvenirs did. When Akira looks at him, Goro’s eyes seem almost fond for a second, before he turns and heads to the cash register.

* * *

Akira smiles wistfully as he takes the jellyfish snow globe from his shelf, turning it with careful hands. He switches it on and watches the colours shift in the dying light, thinking of the aquarium, the feeling of a hand in his. Of someone precious but out of reach. It’s dark by the time he finally places it in a cardboard box at his feet.

It’s the night before Akira leaves Tokyo, and he finds himself awash with a year of memories as he packs his belongings. Though he started packing early in the afternoon, it took much longer than he anticipated because he kept finding himself lingering on sentimental objects. Every souvenir is a reminder of a bond, a person, a day of laughter and happiness. Some reminders are more sombre than others.

Shaking his head to dispel the memories, Akira reaches up to move a box – and freezes. Behind the box is a familiar red smartphone, gathering dust.

Akira grabs the phone and tries to power it on, to no avail. Of course, it’s probably been there so long it’s run out of battery. Hands trembling, Akira hurriedly plugs it into his charger next to his mattress and sits down. The seconds it takes to boot seem to take an eternity. Is it really Goro’s phone? And if it is, why did he hide it here?

At last, the screen turns on. A single voicemail notification from an unknown number greets Akira. Briefly, he debates whether listening to it would be a breach of privacy, but he can’t help but feel it was left for him. He opens it and holds the phone to his ear.

“Hello, Akira.”

He was right. It’s Goro’s voice.

“If you’re listening to this, it means you’re packing up to leave Tokyo. Maruki would never have allowed that.” So that’s why Goro left his phone here. A recording, a final message. Akira listens, a lump suddenly in his throat. “I have to thank you for keeping your end of the deal. But I suppose I never had to worry – I knew you would stick to your justice.

“Though I may be gone, rest assured this is what I wanted. To live my life under my own terms, or die trying. I would never have wanted to bend to the will of anyone else ever again.”

A pause. Akira rarely knew Goro to hesitate.

“And yet… and yet, I couldn’t help but be glad for more time together. Even though I had to hold you at arm’s length so you wouldn’t waver. But that didn’t help, did it?” Goro gives a short laugh, some humour bleeding into his voice. “Dropping my façade, letting out all my anger and bitterness… You never shied away. I think it just made me feel closer to you.”

Another pause. When he speaks again, Goro seems to be forcing the words out, his voice strangled with rare emotion. “I… I almost wish we had more time.” Akira hunches over at that, the words like a physical blow. His eyes well up. “I’m sorry. I know it’s selfish of me to say that, when I was the one who pushed for the dream to end. But I’ve been selfish all my life. Just let me be selfish again this one last time. Akira…” Akira clenches his fist at how wistful, how affectionate Goro sounds. “Under different circumstances, I would have spent forever with you.”

Akira lets out a choked sound and clenches his fist tighter, nails digging into his palms. “It’s okay, Akira,” Goro continues. “It’s okay. Relax that fist I know you’re making. Remember that time we held hands at the aquarium? You’d be cutting off my circulation if you held as tightly as you are now.” Akira laughs shakily at that and loosens his hand, using it to wipe at the tears that had finally spilled over.

“Akira.” Goro’s voice is so soft now, cradling Akira’s name with unbearable tenderness. “If we meet again, let’s go back to the aquarium. The moon jellyfish were beautiful, weren’t they? Or maybe we can play billiards, since we’ve yet to play when I’m using my dominant hand. Afterwards, we can go to Leblanc and drink coffee and play chess for the rest of the day, just like we always did. You won last time, so that means you owe me a rematch.

“So hold onto my glove, and don’t you dare forget our promise. I won’t tolerate you lagging behind me if we meet again.”

Akira holds his breath, waiting for more, but all he gets is the automated voicemail message. Goro’s voice is gone. Tears flowing freely now, Akira lets the phone fall to the mattress.

Hours later, when Morgana comes back upstairs, he finds Akira tightly clutching Goro’s glove, sobbing into it like his heart was torn out.

* * *

The next morning, Akira walks slowly down the train station platform, dragging his luggage behind him. He feels a little empty. Though he said his goodbyes to his dear friends, he didn’t get to say the goodbye that mattered most.

Sighing deeply, Akira sits down on a bench, resting his elbows on his knees and hunching over. Without anyone else around to distract him, he feels the weight of something intimately sad settle on his shoulders. He wonders if it’ll ever go away, or if he’ll have to live with regret as an old friend.

A familiar pair of shoes enters Akira’s field of vision. He blinks. It can’t be – he looks up –

And Goro looks back at him. The sun behind him surrounds him in a halo of light, like a vision, like an angel come back to earth. He’s extending his hand, an uncertain smile on his face. As if Akira’s spirits weren’t lifted the moment he saw his face. As if he wouldn’t take Goro’s hand. As if he didn’t want to hold fast and never let go.

Akira reaches out cautiously, half-convinced that Goro will vanish as soon as he touches him, and hooks his pinky around Goro’s, just like he had that day at the aquarium. Goro is solid and real and so, so warm. With a sob, Akira grasps Goro’s hand in both of his, as tightly as he had when Goro’s voice, staticky from the recording, told him it was okay.

“It’s okay,” the real Goro says, and the dam breaks. Akira presses his forehead into Goro’s knuckles and cries openly. “It’s okay, Akira. We have all the time in the world. It’s okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> the other real MVPs are [Tuggi](https://twitter.com/JustTuggi/status/1287446694767013888?s=19), [rabbit](https://twitter.com/undead_rabbit/status/1287457936407588864?s=20), [jazzy](https://twitter.com/Jazazamine/status/1287949480176898050?s=20), and [Charly](https://twitter.com/coffeeforcharly/status/1290682322132574211). thank you so much for the art i'm cry


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